Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
