AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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