Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
