but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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