Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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