Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize