Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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