dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
