So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
two words...techno handjob
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
