you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
