i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
