ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
