Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize