brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
