If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
