If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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