nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
