she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
