New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
