So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
