Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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