I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
