In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i now understand why vodka
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
