She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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