Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
