I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
