i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
