At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
