dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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