Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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