I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
