Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
