you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
