Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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