did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize