Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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