youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
