dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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