I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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