oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
