So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
