if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
