this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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