was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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