so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
