We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
MIDGETS
????
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
