And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
