This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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