Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
