let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would ride that face into the sunset
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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