I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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