his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
