the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
