just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
