someone owes me an orgasm
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
