is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize