My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All the doctor said was why
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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