Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
