u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
