Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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