If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
