were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
