I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
