i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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