please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
