We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
