I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
