you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
