What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
