Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
