then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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