shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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