i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
