How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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