Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
