I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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