I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How external is "for external use only"?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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