I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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