I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
