would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize