please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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