I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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