so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
