oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
