I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
