The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
