i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
