so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
