So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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