so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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