Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
