So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
