i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
