You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
